“My dad said he would arrange the finance for my studies abroad. This is the second time has let me down. I don’t trust him anymore. I will have to do something on my own”
“My husband was addicted to gambling. It affected the family. We worked on it for years. So many times he had made the promise. Now I think he does it more secretly. I don’t trust him anymore”
“My wife had said she will help run the family business whenever I have to be away. But she misses opening the shop often. I don’t trust her anymore”
Trust is a word all of us use and it is an important ingredient for a harmonious relationship. What does trust mean? Most relationship including new ones, whether business or personal, start with a default level of trust. Further actions determine whether trust gets built up or destroyed.
When we say we trust someone, we are saying we are expecting that person to work for our best interest. We expect that person not to harm us or our interests. Trust is the basis of all good relationships, not just between married couples. Between married couples, it gains even more prominence as the sexual angle also comes in. Each person is expected to remain faithful to the other sexually. This is an additional tangent of trust in married couples.
In all the three examples given at the beginning, the person says they have lost trust in the other person. They don’t expect the other person to honour their promises, they don’t expect the other person to take care of the family members. Sometimes even if we don’t expect the other person to support us in our ventures, having trust would mean the other person will not work against us. I don’t expect my brother to support me financially but I trust him not to speak ill of me to others. That is also trust.
While some basic trust is there at the beginning of all relationships the more we find the person supporting us in our work, speaking well of us to others behind our back, not doing anything to harm us or our work, trust gets built up over time. When the relationship becomes deeper with time the level of trust reaches the level of ‘blind trust”.
Building trust always takes time. But the destruction of trust can happen in a jiffy. Catching a married partner in an affair with another person destroys the trust in a minute. Trust that was built up over years. Hearing the person we trust, talking ill of us behind our back destroys trust. Shady financial dealing destroys trust. When we lose trust in a person, we are constantly suspicious of their motives and living on the edge around them. Losing trust certainly destroys a relationship. Yes, trust can be rebuilt, it takes a lot of time and sincere effort. It is vital that we pay attention to trust in a relationship. A strong relationship can also become fragile when trust is shattered.
Building trust is like climbing the stairs to the 25th floor. Destroying trust is coming down 25 floors in an express elevator