The questions we ask people when we meet them show what we give importance to in their lives. What do we value in other people’s lives? When children come home from school, what areas we focus on sends the message to the child on what parents will pay attention to and children will act accordingly. When an adult is introduced to a child, the first three questions that pop from an adult's mouth are: What is your name? What class are you studying in? Are you studying well? Once these three questions are asked most adults are at a loss not knowing what to ask next. Most often adults around a child are focused on academic performance and almost nothing else. This sends the message that we value marks more than anything else. Here is a list of questions that we can ask children when they come home from school or when we are introduced to them.
How many friends do you have? Tell me about your best friends. Did you help anyone today in school? Did anyone help you in school today? What made you laugh today? What new things did you learn today about people? What made you thoughtful today? Did you share your food with anyone today? Did you solve any problems (not academic) today? Did anything make you sad/angry today? What was it? Did you stand up for yourself today? What made you proud of yourself today?
If you noticed these questions focus on their relationships with others, their relationship with self and their connections to their emotions. When we ask children these types of questions they feel the adult (or parents) in their life pay importance to these areas. Their relationships with others and self and their emotions. Children too start paying attention to these. This is not to say, attention to academics should not be there but to say along with that pay attention to areas which will matter in the long run in the child’s life. You want a child who is well adjusted to the world, who gets along with others and who can manage his/her emotions well along with whatever other achievements along the way and not someone who gets great marks but fails in all other departments of life.