Recently during a workshop when talking of how we can be successful at relationship this question came up. Are we successful only when we have harmony in ALL our relationships?
“What makes you say that?”, I asked “We are always told that we are good at relationships only when are maintaining all our relationships, isn’t it?” “How many people does it take to form a relationship? “Two at least” “If the other person is abusive, neglectful, does not care one way or the other, is it still your responsibility to maintain the relationship?” “What if it is with someone who is part of your life and you cannot cut them off?” “That is when you reduce the interaction to the bare minimum and do not go overboard trying to smoothen stuff” “Is is not a failure on our part if the relationship fails?” “Give it your best efforts and if even then there is no harmony in the relationship and it is affecting your mental health then you have to think of the alternatives. You should do it free of guilt after having given it your best shot.”
“I am a people’s person”, “I am responsible for harmony in all my relationships”, “I should never give up a relationship no matter what”, all these are lines we tell ourselves and mess up our emotional health. Relationships give meaning to our lives, they bring in maximum joy but at the same time all relationships don’t. So we need to pause and evaluate if a relationship is taking a toll on our mental health. If a relationship is draining you of your resources you need to take a call. You are successful at relationships if you make effort to build harmony into it and it yields result. You are ALSO successful at relationships when you reduce interaction (frequency and duration), move away or in the extreme when you cut off a toxic relationships.