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"My adult children cannot get along with each other, what do I do?"




The dream of every parent is a happy family where the spouses get along with each other and the children get along with the parents and one other. When children are young, they will have their differences and fights. Parents look on indulgently and step in when things go south. Most of the times the children do patch up and get going with life. Parents do intervene if the children are not able to get along with one another and try to pacify, reason with them to see the other’s point of view. What to do when the children have become adults and do not get along with each other? Often parents find it a nightmare when this happens. They have to do an endless amount of balancing act trying not to appear partial or taking sides. Parents often hold themselves responsible when the children keep fighting over every issue. Are parents really responsible when this happens?

Once someone becomes an adult, the parents can no longer influence them the way they did when the children were younger. As adults, the children have their own minds, their own philosophies and their own beliefs. It may be completely different from what they grew up with. The children if they are married also have their own spouses and children and pressure from them to behave in a particular manner. Each human mind gets influenced by those around them and the environment in which they live. Parents cannot hold themselves responsible if adult children cannot get along with one another. It is not the parents' job to keep patching up the fights between the adult children. Parents have done their job in raising the kids and allowing them to stand on their feet. Just because someone shares the parents does not necessarily mean they have to bond amongst themselves. There are multiple and chronic reasons why two adult children cannot get along with each other. Parenting is not the only reason. To keep their sanity, it is better for parents to allow the adult children to sort their problems like any other adults and not feel guilty when the adult children don’t see eye to eye.

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