Harmony in Relationships -Don't expect people to work hard for your quirky needs




A relationship would always mean a compromise. The moment we have a relationship and live with someone, (parents, spouses, siblings, friends, flatmates etc), it means giving up a part of our freedom, needs and choices.

Often the harmony in relationships gets disturbed when we expect everyone around us to work for our exclusive needs. No one else may be bothered except us to see the bed made up as soon as we get up, to keep the newspaper in order, bunched together and in its place, to place the buckets in the bathroom inverted and dry, to leave the bathroom floor without wetness, to place the footwear in one particular order in the shelf, the list can go on.


OTHERS DON'T SEE THE WORLD THE WAY WE DO

The person staying with us may be fine with all the above things one way or the other, to see the bed made not made up does not pump up their blood pressure, to see the newspaper, not in its place does not give them a stroke as with the other things mentioned.

We are particular about it and we would spend countless occasions and endless time pointing it out to the other person when our quirky needs are not being met. It is one thing to instil a love for order in our children and totally another to expect a full-grown adult perhaps from a different upbringing to understand and cater to our needs. Even when we want children to do something for us, it is important to give them a reason instead of passing an order. The other person cannot understand the difference between, keeping all footwear facing inwards or outwards in the shoe rack, the toilet seat being up or down, or why someone should throw a fit when the toothpaste is squeezed in the middle instead of the end as eventually, the entire toothpaste is anyway going to be consumed before it is discarded.


REQUESTING COOPERATION, NOT DEMANDING COMPLIANCE

When we want our quirky needs (quirky being it is only our need not of those staying with us) met by people around us, it cannot be done by screaming and demanding that those needs be met but by request for cooperation from those around us. If that cooperation does not come, we get down to set the thing right ourselves – putting the remote in its place, keeping the footwear the way we like or just mopping the bathroom floor when we see it wet without repeatedly pointing out to others how they are failing to meet our needs.

If by chance people staying with us understand and meet our needs then we are lucky and can appreciate them for it.

Expecting others around us to work for our needs when it does not make a difference to them is a sure way of disrupting harmony in our relationships.

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