“I want to spend time with my family, but I am not able to find time”
“I love music. I want to learn an instrument, just can’t find time for it”
“I want to travel with my kids and show them places, don’t find time for it”
How often have we heard people say above lines or lines with similar content? “Don’t find time” is a common refrain. How does one find the time? Finding something implies it is in the outside world and searching for it will locate it. Time is not an object that has been lost and needs to be found. The finding puts the locus of control outside us. Instead suppose we start saying, “I want to create time for….” whatever it is we want to do, we take the locus of control back into our hands. We are the agency for creating time. When you start thinking of creating time for family, passion, activity then you shift a major obstacle in the mind. You realize creating time is giving priority to things that you value. When you value relationships, hobbies, passion, important work, then you understand ‘finding time’ is about creating a list of priorities. Nothing else.
Inside a home or an office there is s always limited space. You cannot find new space. You adjust things and create space for things that are important to you. Space magically expands when the thing you want to fill the space is vital or important. Where did it come from? Nowhere, you just created it. So perhaps when you are not able to ‘find’ space for some object, the object may not be that important to you.
We don’t suddenly find beautiful relationships. Beautiful relationships care created over time. By paying attention to the needs of others around us, adding value to other people’s lives and at the same time having our needs fulfilled we create beautiful relationships. Beautiful relationships are never about equality. You don’t maintain debit and credit and want everything to balance. You don’t mind it tilted one way or the other as long as each person is getting something out of it.
We create meaning in our lives, not find it in some hidden corner, by connecting to things beyond us. We actively seek to do things beyond our own needs. Relationships and work are two factors that contribute to meaning in our lives.
The moment you change thinking from ‘finding’ to ‘creating’ you feel empowered, in control and life becomes easier to navigate.