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Do you want to just speak or do you want to be heard?



The questions confused many people. When we speak, are others not hearing us? That is the doubt running in their minds.

There is a lot of difference between just wanting to speak and wanting to be heard, especially in the context of close relationships.

When we were children, we had an uncle who would just walk into the room and just give a set of instructions and go away. After he left, we kids would look at one another and ask, “What did he say?” None of us got the gist of what he said, We only understood that he just came and barked some orders and went out. We did not hear what he said. We only listened to the noise emanating from him.

This happens so often between people. We know someone said something but don't remember much of it. Why does this happen?

Hearing involves two people fully. It is a cooperative enterprise and it cannot be forced. If we want someone to understand what we are saying and take us seriously and follow the instructions we need to involve the other person fully in it. Involving them fully means getting their level - physically and psychologically. Make connections with them before giving instructions. Explain your reasoning and make them understand the value behind your reasoning. Ask them to repeat what you have said so that you know your meaning has been conveyed. Make corrections in their perception of your instructions if there are errors.

Only when the other person fully understands what you have said, you have been heard otherwise you have only made some sound.

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