𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐬 𝐁𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐫: 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

When a child acts out, our first instinct is often to correct. We lecture. We moralize. We berate. We operate from a curative mindset, one that sees the behaviour as a problem to be fixed, a wrong to be righted. And so often, it doesn’t work. We are left frustrated, they are left resentful, and the root of the behaviour remains untouched.

What if we swapped that instinct? What if, before we corrected, we got curious?

A curious mindset does not see a problem to be solved. It sees a child to be understood. It asks a simple, profound question: “I wonder what made them do that?”

This question changes everything. It moves us from being an adversary to being a detective. It shifts the goal from control to connection. We stop trying to fix a child and start trying to understand them.

Let’s see how this works:

𝐄𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝟏: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐞𝐭: “You lied to me! Don’t you ever lie! Lying is wrong.” The child feels shamed and learns to hide better.

𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐞𝐭: “I noticed the story didn’t quite match up. I wonder what made you feel like you couldn’t tell me the truth about what happened?” This opens a door. Perhaps they were terrified of your anger or deeply ashamed of a mistake.

𝐄𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝟐: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐢𝐭

𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐞𝐭: “We do NOT hit! Go to your room!” The child feels unjustly punished if they were provoked and learns nothing.

𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐞𝐭: To the child who hit, you might say: “Wow, you were really angry. Your body got so strong. I wonder what your sister did that made you feel you had to use such a strong body?” This validates the emotion, locates the trigger, and makes space to later teach appropriate expression.

𝐄𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝟑: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐃𝐨 𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤

𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐞𝐭: “If you don’t do your work, you’ll fail! Just sit down and get it done!” A power struggle ensues.

𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐞𝐭: “You’re really resisting this math sheet. I wonder what’s going on with it? Is it too hard and making you feel stuck? Or is it too easy and boring?” You might discover a learning gap or a need for a more engaging challenge.

Curiosity is not permissiveness. It is the essential first step. It gathers the data. It connects you to your child’s inner world, to their fears, their frustrations, their unmet needs. From that place of connection, real guidance becomes possible. You are no longer fighting the behaviour. You are addressing the cause.

The next time you feel the urge to cure, pause. Take a breath. And get curious. The answer you find will almost always be more useful and more human than any lecture you had prepared.