In our lives, we would really love to solve all our problems. Who does not like that? The idea of a life without any problems seems attractive but at the same time is a mirage. Our happiness or contentment has two parts to it - lack of misery and things that make us happy. Lack of misery does not make us happy. Misery makes us aware of our unhappiness. People don’t get up from bed and cheer because they do not have any miseries. We feel relieved when we don’t have misery. Misery is one whose presence is noticed but absence is not felt. Our minds don’t dwell on the miseries we have had or the ones we don’t have.
Although all of us would like to get rid of our frustrations, it is important to know that there may be frustrations in our life that we have to live with. Niggling health issues, relationships with rough edges, periodic insecurities, children/parents whose behaviour drives us to the edge, loved ones with mental illness, uncooperative neighbours, just to give some examples.
As a thinking person we to try to resolve the issue which is the source of unhappiness. If we cannot solve it, we try to put a distance between us and the problems. If we cannot put a distance, we try to have a less frequent encounter with the problems (Visiting the person less often to avoid the pain of meeting the person).
Accepting the fact that many problems in our lives have less than satisfactory solutions is important for our mental peace. What seems like a solution may not really be a solution. It is an effort to cope with the problem. Coping with unresolvable problems is the alternative to solving the problem. Often these coping strategies are the only ones available to us since the problems seem intractable.
Coping is a healthy alternative and should be not looked on as a failure to solve issues in our lives. Understanding that some problems do not have solutions is maturity. Focusing on coping strategies for unresolvable problems is reclaiming control of our life.
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