𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞; 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞.

"Why can’t my husband be more organized? Why can’t he keep things in place? Why can’t he keep his desk and cupboard organized? Won’t it make it easier for him and others around him?”

“True that would be of big help. What does he criticize you for?”

“He gets irritated with the amount of time, I take to get ready. He finds it frustrating that I cannot estimate my time to complete a task. He gets frustrated with my ability to read maps”

“Are you doing it deliberately?”

“No, I am not. I am not trying to get under his skin. But yeah, I don’t give so much importance to time and feel they make a big fuss if I take 20 minutes longer to get ready. I have never understood maps”

“Do you think your husband is deliberately messing up the place? Being disorganized to irritate you?”

“I don’t think so. He is not conscious of what he does.”

“Just like you are not conscious of the time a task takes for you?”

“When you put it like that, yes.”

We cannot help who we are as it concerns our personality traits and the other person cannot help who they are. Some of us talk more, some talk less, some are methodical and organized, some get work done only when there is pressure, some need more time to prepare, some are outgoing and some others are not, some are open to new experiences and some others are not, some are anxiety/accident prone and others are not. Even if we try we cannot become like the other person. It will not feel real to us. In the same way, others cannot become us. Certain parts of our personality are a given. So instead of wanting to force the other person to change or forcing ourselves to change, there is a better option. Understand and accept your nature and other person’s nature and see how to navigate the space between the two of your natures that leaves you with greater peace.