𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬

“How many times should I ask you to finish dinner. Then I can clear the table”

𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐮𝐬

“If you have dinner now, I can clear the table. If you want to eat later, you should clear the table. Which do you prefer?”

“Have a bath now, there is water in the geyser”

𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐮𝐬

“If you have a bath now, you don’t have to switch on the geyser, if you want to have a bath later, you have to switch the geyser on and also switch it off. What is your choice?”

‘Talk to your mom now, you have been putting it off since ever”

𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐮𝐬

“Do you want to talk to your mom now or after dinner when you are in a better mood?”

When we want people to do something, take action, we tend to give them direction and instructions on the details of how they should do it. We give them only one path. A lot of resentment in relationships often builds up because then we appear controlling. We are accused of always telling them what to do/what not to do.

A better way of achieving the same goal is to offer choices to our loved ones whenever and wherever possible. Give them multiple paths of reaching the same destination. This has got two effects. One, we don’t appear authoritarian wanting them to do what we want, when we want it. It looks like imposing our will on them and almost everyone resents being boxed in. This can result in them becoming defensive, aggressive and resulting in a needless argument. The second advantage of giving a choice is that the other person feels empowered. The feel like they are making a decision for themselves even though we are the one offering them the choices. The mere act of choosing from the options makes them feel like they own the decision and there is a greater chance of them implementing it. It also feels respectful of one another. How we design the choices is important. Offer choices in such a way that you are okay with whatever they choose.