“I wish I had not married at that time; it was a foolish decision”
“I wish I had gone abroad for studies; my life would have been different”
“Why did I bring kids into the marriage. I should have known better”
“I was an idiot to quit my job to raise a family. Don’t feel good about it today”
When people look back in their lives, there is always a graveyard of regrets. Multiple regrets on studies, career, relationship, money, hobbies etc., buried in their memories. Regret for things done and for things not done. Most often there is one fallacy in our thinking about regrets.
“Why didn’t you go abroad for studies back then?”
“My parents were not well, and I am their only child. So, I wanted to stay back to look after them”
“Was that a reasonable decision that you took back then?”
“Yeah, but my friends went abroad and are living a better quality of life”
“Did your decision that day fulfil your need of looking after your parents?”
“Oh yes it did. Because I stayed back, I took good care of them and they are in good health today, touch wood”
“Do you see that your decision of that time was to fulfil a need of yours back then?”
“Yes, I do”
“Today your needs are different. Today you want to focus on your career and feel left out.”
“That is true”
“How fair is it to blame yourself for a decision that fulfilled the need years ago but is not fulfilling today’s need?”
“When you put it like that, it seems different”
We all take decisions to fulfil a need of the time. Whether it is to get married, have kids, quit a relationship, move cities etc all decisions are to fulfil the need of the time of decision making. Today our needs have changed, today we have different dreams and different meaning in our lives. To fulfil that, we need to take decisions today. We cannot blame ourselves for taking decisions that don’t fulfil today’s needs but fulfilled that times needs. The quality of a decision should be judged by its inherent quality at the time of decision making not how our lives and needs are as of today.
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